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Fic: Evanesco - World, Mostly Turning
Even in the darkness, every colour can be found
Fic: Evanesco
Serenity on the Hellmouth Round 1 - Best Lorne - Evanesco Serenity on the Hellmouth Round 3 - Best Eve - Evanesco

Title: Evanesco
Setting: Post-Not Fade Away
Rating: G
Word Count: 1,666 - fanfic of the devil. :-)
Disclaimer: Joss likes fanfic. He said so.

Profuse thanks to flurblewig and sunnyd_lite - best betas ever.


“Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she had to walk into mine.”

Lorne stared across the smoke-filled room at the slight blonde framed in the doorway.

“What?” The bartender next to him pulled his head out from under the counter where he’d been sweeping up the detritus from a torn bag of beer nuts. “You say something?”

Lorne took an involuntary step backwards as the woman began to make her way towards the bar. He pressed himself against the wall as if it might somehow disguise him – a ruse that was unlikely to work given the paisley wallpaper, his green skin, and lavender leisure suit. It was like trying to hide polka dots against plaid. His eyes darted from side to side as he considered other possibilities for escape. The office – if he could make it there, he could close the door and stay out of sight.

“Listen, Zeke.” Lorne edged along the rear wall. “If anyone asks for me, tell them that I’m, uh, that I’m…”

“That you’re what, Boss?”

It was too late – she’d seen him. Her eyes settled on him and widened in surprised recognition, and his shoulders slumped in response.

“Never mind,” he sighed. Lorne reached for his martini and downed the contents in a single gulp, then held the glass out to Zeke. “Here – would you freshen this up for me? In fact, make it a double and I’ll love you forever.” Zeke quirked an eyebrow at him, but made no further comment. Lorne turned back to the bar with a sense of foreboding.

“Hello, Eve.”

“Lorne. I - I didn’t expect to find you here.”

“I didn’t expect you to find me here either.” Lorne tried to keep his face expressionless. “That was kind of the point.” He pulled a tumbler from the dishwasher and began polishing it.

She gave him a sad smile. It matched the rest of her – she looked distressed, discouraged, dispirited, and a whole passel of other dis’s all at once. Her hair hadn’t seen the hand of a decent stylist – or possibly even shampoo – for some time and hung limply over her shoulders. There were dark hollows under her eyes and a permanent crease of worry between her eyebrows. She’d lost weight and was trying to hide the trembling of her hands by shoving them into the pockets of her worn and faded jeans.

She lowered herself gingerly onto a barstool and looked up at him.

“You don’t need to worry – I’m not going to bring the Senior Partners down on you.” She gave him a rueful look. “Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. I’m nothing to them anymore.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I’m nothing to anyone anymore.” She turned her face from him and he pretended not to notice the tears she was blinking away.

It took a minute for her to get herself back under control, before she could speak again. When she did, she kept her gaze lowered, as if she didn’t want to look him in the eyes. “I heard five times that you were killed, in five different places.”

“Well, as you can see, it was true every single time.” Lorne finished his polishing and set the glass on the counter with a little more force than was necessary. Eve cringed. He wondered briefly what her life must have been like in the last year – the woman who sat before him now was more than a few songs and dances away from her former assured and cocky self. He decided he didn’t really want to know – didn’t really care – and reached into the dishwasher for another glass.

“You despise me, don't you?” Hunched on her stool, she looked and sounded like a frightened little girl.

“If I gave you any thought, I probably would.”

She nodded in vague assent and then was silent for another minute, staring dully at the blinking neon sign that hung in the dust-smeared window and at the flat, arid landscape beyond. “It’s so empty…” She said it so quietly that he almost missed her words.

After a moment, she turned to him again. “What brought you here?”

“My health.” He couldn’t keep the sardonic note out of his voice. “I came here for the waters.”

“The waters?” She looked confused. “What waters? We're in the desert.”

“I was misinformed.” Lorne heard Zeke stifle a snicker, but Eve’s bafflement only seemed to increase. Lorne sighed, pulled up a stool, and reached for his refilled drink.

“Eve,” he said as patiently as if he were talking to a three year-old, “there aren’t many places that someone who looks like me can disappear. It’s not hard to get lost in a crowd, but the time had come for me to leave that crowd. This is Roswell – people expect to see the unusual here. I don’t stand out any more than that wallpaper does. No one pays me any mind and that’s what’s good for my health.”

She nodded. Her head drooped again and she began twisting a ring on her finger. Lorne recognised it as one that Lindsey used to wear.

“I can’t find… I’ve been looking…” She paused and cleared her throat. “No one seems to know what happened that night. I know that each of you had your missions,” – Lorne suppressed a flinch – “and about the fight in the alley. I know that some of you – them – survived, but there were so many different stories, and I’ve been looking and looking, but I can’t find…” She gripped the ring on her finger and this time the welling tears spilled over her lower lids and ran down her cheeks. “I can’t find…” Her voice broke and she looked up at him, her eyes filled with fear and hope and dread.

Lorne pushed his glass towards her. “I think you need this more than I do.” He gestured at Zeke to make him another. Eve raised the drink to her lips with trembling hands and grimaced a little at the taste.

“Go on, drink up. The worst it can do is make you numb. Actually, come to think of it, that’s also the best it can do.” She took another sip.

“You really loved him.”

She nodded again and went back to playing with the ring. “He was my… my everything.” Her voice quivered. “I wanted what he wanted, because I wanted him. And he wanted… well, I’m not really sure now what he wanted. I thought he wanted revenge because the Senior Partners had given Angel what he’d worked so hard for and hadn’t gotten. But there was something else.” Her brow furrowed with remembered uncertainty. “Something… I don’t know.” She gave herself a shake and tried to sit up straight. “I tried to talk him out of it, but he went to the fight with you. I know what happened to some of the others – Wesley and Gunn, their deaths were in the papers – and now I’ve found you, but I can’t find… Lindsey.” His name seemed to tear a hole in her throat. “I need to find… I need to know. I’ve looked for so long. Can you… can you tell me anything? Where he is? How… Please?” The last word came out as a ragged gasp.

Lorne bowed his head and silently cursed the fates that had crossed her path with his. His mind recoiled from having to remember, having to relive, what had happened that night. He reached out and stilled her worrying hands by laying one of his own over them.

“I was with Lindsey that night.” He heard the catch in her breath, but quelled her rising emotions with a hard stare. “I haven’t got any good news for you, Evie,” he said as gently as he could. “‘Cause there isn’t any good news. Lindsey… died on his mission. He succeeded in killing the Sahrvin, but he… didn’t survive.” Lorne released Eve’s hands, picked up his martini glass, and drained it. Numb. That was the way to go.

When he looked back at Eve, she had her arms wrapped tightly around her chest and was rocking back and forth on her seat. Tears flowed unchecked down her face and she was crooning words that Lorne could just barely make out.

“Pretty as a picture. She is like a golden ring…”

She blinked, then caught and held his gaze. Her eyes were glassy, but focussed. “You were with him when he… when he died?” The word sounded experimental, as if she were testing its validity.

Lorne accepted another martini from Zeke. The man had the makings of an excellent bartender.

“Yes, I was with him.”

“Did he… did he say anything? About me? Give you a message to pass on…” Her voice faded to a whisper. “Anything?”

Lorne stared at his olive and wished he were anywhere but here. The olive and its pimento stared back impassively. “Like I said, Eve, I’ve got no good news for you. I’m an empath demon – I know what’s in a man’s mind, what’s in his heart. And even if I weren’t – well, a man’s last words, they tell his story. Better than I ever could.” He took another swallow, then raised his eyes to hers.

“They were about Angel, sugar plum. His last words – his last thoughts, his last feelings – were all about Angel. For Lindsey, it was always all about Angel.”

For a few seconds, it looked like she’d stopped breathing. Her mouth moved as though she were trying to speak, but there was no sound. After a moment, she turned away from him and stood, then walked unsteadily towards the door without looking back. Lorne finished the rest of his drink.

“Bit harsh with that last part, weren’t you?” Zeke was regarding him with disapproval.

Lorne shook his head. “She already knew, Zeke. She already knew.” He picked up the ring that Eve had left behind on the bar. “I heard her sing.”


A/N: Several lines of dialogue – including, of course, the first one – were lifted from Casablanca.


63 comments or Leave a comment
killerweasel From: killerweasel Date: February 3rd, 2006 05:34 pm (UTC) (Link)

This is... it's excellent.

I really, really enjoyed it.

You've got a great Lorne voice and I felt very bad for Eve (considering I didn't like her a whole lot in the show, that's saying something).
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: February 3rd, 2006 05:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wow, that was quick!

Thanks so much! Lorne's voice is *hard*. The quotes from Casablanca helped alot - they sounded so much like him. Who knew that Lorne and Humphrey Bogart were separated at birth? :-)
drusplace From: drusplace Date: February 3rd, 2006 05:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
That's wonderful. Lorne's a favourite character of mine and you wrote him well. And I could totally picture Eve sitting on that stool with her unclean hair and worn jeans.

Very well done.
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: February 3rd, 2006 05:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! This was my first time trying to write Lorne - I was a little nervous that I hadn't gotten his voice right.

Lindsey never seemed as enamoured with Eve as she was with him - I thought something had to be said about his last words.
gingerpig From: gingerpig Date: February 3rd, 2006 06:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
killerweasel poked me *g*

I really like that. Great Lorne voice

For Lindsey, it was always all about Angel. *nodsnodsnods*
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: February 3rd, 2006 06:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
It really was, wasn't it? Eve never had a chance.

Thanks for the feedback!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: February 3rd, 2006 06:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
Painfully excellent.
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: February 3rd, 2006 06:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks so much! I must write something happy next time - I seem to be stuck in angst mode.
kattahj From: kattahj Date: February 3rd, 2006 06:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
This was great - very melancholy, just like Lorne was in his last scenes on the show. And poor Eve; she may have been irritating, but ouch!
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: February 3rd, 2006 06:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! I was never a big Eve-fan, but even I felt a bit bad for her by the end of that. :-)
menomegirl From: menomegirl Date: February 3rd, 2006 06:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wonderful story, very well-written dialogue.

You made me feel bad for Eve in this story. I never really liked her and never really believed she truly loved Lindsey.

But the gut wrenching thing was this-

I'm an empath demon – I know what's in a man's mind, what's in his heart. And even if I weren't – well, a man's last words, they tell his story. Better than I ever could. He took another swallow, then raised his eyes to hers.

They were about Angel, sugar plum. His last words – his last thoughts, his last feelings – were all about Angel. For Lindsey, it was always all about Angel.

That killed me. Gah!

Just makes me all NFA-upset again.

And it might seem odd....but that's a very good thing.

Thank you.

desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: February 3rd, 2006 07:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! I'm so glad I, um, wrenched your gut? :-)

I always thought it was so telling that Lindsey's last word was "Angel". It just had to be ficced.
cadaverousfile From: cadaverousfile Date: February 3rd, 2006 07:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
Excellent fic, love the Lorne-voice like so many other people [g] would you mind awfully if I borrowed it to archive on my Lorne-fic archive site (http://www.lornecentric.co.uk)?
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: February 3rd, 2006 07:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! And absolutely! I'm very flattered that you'd ask. :-)
pet_23 From: pet_23 Date: February 3rd, 2006 07:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
The fic was wonderful. Your Lorne voice pretty damn spot on. But the lines that killed me ded and made my breathe stop.

I know what’s in a man’s mind, what’s in his heart. And even if I weren’t – well, a man’s last words, they tell his story. Better than I ever could.” He took another swallow, then raised his eyes to hers.

“They were about Angel, sugar plum. His last words – his last thoughts, his last feelings – were all about Angel. For Lindsey, it was always all about Angel.”

I'll be thinkin' about that all day darlin'. *wink*
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: February 3rd, 2006 07:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! I had a little help from Casablanca in getting the Lorne voice - who'd have thunk?

Glad I could be your brainworm. Hee.
(Deleted comment)
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: February 3rd, 2006 07:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
Isn't it odd how well the Casablanca quotes fit post-NFA Lorne? There were more that I wanted to use, but I figured *some* of the story should be original. :-)

This, however, would have been fun if I'd found a place to put it:

Barfly (to Lorne): What nationality are you?
Lorne: I'm a drunkard.
Zeke: That makes Lorne a citizen of the world.


I feel a bit bad for making Eve so miserable, but she looked really lost at the end of NFA.

Thanks for the feedback!
(Deleted comment)
makd From: makd Date: February 3rd, 2006 07:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
Terrific tale. I love the last 8 lines, the line about how his last words were about Angel --- it was all about Angel -- gave me chills.

desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: February 3rd, 2006 07:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. This one was surprisingly easy to write - I must have been absorbing alot of writerly vibes while Dadsitting.
lostakasha From: lostakasha Date: February 3rd, 2006 11:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Very, very nicely done! Always love to see Lorne -- and you really did him justice here.
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: February 4th, 2006 08:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! This was my first time writing Lorne, so I was a little nervous.
sunnyd_lite From: sunnyd_lite Date: February 3rd, 2006 11:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
Noticed that this was rec'd at su_herald Go you! Still lovin' this one!
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: February 4th, 2006 08:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
Go you, too - and flurblewig for helping me whip it into shape. :-)
frimfram From: frimfram Date: February 4th, 2006 11:53 am (UTC) (Link)
“I heard five times that you were killed, in five different places.”
I love it to death.

Superb idea, superb execution - you really had my guts in a knot with this one. Excellent.
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: February 4th, 2006 08:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! Thought that line you quoted was one of the ones I stole from Casablanca. It was odd how well they fit Lorne - I had to hold myself back from using only borrowed dialogue.
flurblewig From: flurblewig Date: February 4th, 2006 03:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yay! I said you'd have people feeling sorry for Eve with this :-)

::sniffs quietly::
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: February 4th, 2006 08:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
I sure did get alot of comments - whee! I think this is a new record, except for my bad!fic.

Poor Eve - I did feel rather bad for her. I'm so much one with the angst lately - I'd better try for a happy fic soon.

pinkdormouse From: pinkdormouse Date: February 5th, 2006 12:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Here via su_herald. Great Lorne there, and you even made me feel sorry for Eve.

desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: February 5th, 2006 06:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it. :-)
alixtii From: alixtii Date: February 5th, 2006 04:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, I love Eve, and you write this in a way which is insightful, and poignant, and true. It perfectly sums up her character arc on the show. And since's there's a not a huge amount of quality Eve fic, I'm especially grateful.
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: February 5th, 2006 06:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks so much! I always thought she loved Lindsey, but I was never sure that he felt the same way about her.
mireille719 From: mireille719 Date: February 8th, 2006 01:34 am (UTC) (Link)
I skipped this initially because Lorne isn't usually enough to draw me into a story, but came back to have a look for reasons you can probably guess.

I'm very, very glad I did. I love the voice in this--the lifting from Casablanca (my all-time favorite movie) suits Lorne beautifully.
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: February 8th, 2006 02:12 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks so much! It's odd how well the Casablanca lines fit Lorne so well, isn't it? There were so many more I could have used, too.
cindergal From: cindergal Date: February 8th, 2006 01:43 am (UTC) (Link)
The Casablanca dialogue fit Lorne so well. Killer last line, too. ::applauds::
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: February 8th, 2006 02:14 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! Usually, I know what my last line is going to be - I write alot of things backwards. This time, I knew where I was going, but wasn't quite sure how to sum it up until I got there. Then it suddenly wrote itself and I knew that was the way to do it. Sure wish that would happen more often - writing would be alot easier then. :-)
myfeetshowit From: myfeetshowit Date: February 8th, 2006 02:13 am (UTC) (Link)
This is excellent. The juxtaposition between Lorne's seeming harshness and Eve's despair make an excellent canvas to showcase both personalities.

In one of my writing books 'Stein On Writing', the advice given was to write dialogue as though the people involved were reading from slightly different scripts.

I think you have done that here - Eve is teary, emotional, and begs for consolation. Lorne seems detached, harsh, and unforgiving. Nonetheless, the unfolding of the story makes it clear that both characters are communicating on a deeper level. Eve needs the truth so she can move on or give up instead of wandering forever. Lorne stays professional - he despised himself for lying about his visions at the end of S5, and he sees what Eve needs, and that is what he gives.

Their actions speak as loud as their words - Lorne's grabbing Eve's hands was masterful. As was this fic, throughout.
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: February 8th, 2006 02:27 am (UTC) (Link)
Wow. I'm quite speechless. Thank you for such thoughtful feedback.

That slightly different scripts idea is a neat one. I will have to think further on it.

I hadn't really thought of it that way, but you're right - they are kind of doing that at the start. Towards the end, though, they are looking at one another and, as you say, join hands for a moment. I didn't do it intentionally, but you could almost read those actions as them being ready to face up to the truth.

One thing I did do deliberately was soften Lorne's attitude towards her as the story went on - by the end, he's calling her "Evie" and "sugar plum". Her pain is so obvious and Lorne, though harder now than he was pre-NFA, is a good guy at heart. The only way he could help her was with the truth (well, most of the truth - there are a few things Lorne hasn't gotten past himself), so that's what he did.

Hee - this is like English class on my own work! Cool.

Thanks again for your kind words.
romanyg From: romanyg Date: February 8th, 2006 09:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, this is lovely, Kristina. I love me some gen fic, truly, because it's the characters I'm after. And you nail them so well here.

It was a hard, hard thing that Angel made him do so, of course, it's no wonder that Eve found him.

Good stuff. I'm totally saving this. Thank you.
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: February 8th, 2006 10:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it. In some ways, I think poor Lorne suffered more than the other members of the Fang Gang - well, those who lived, anyway. It was so against his nature to do what he did.

::pets Lorne::

I always wind up writing genfic because trying to write smut makes me blush. :-)
helygen From: helygen Date: February 12th, 2006 10:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
This is gorgeous. It's heartbreaking, and raw, and you have Lorne's character and voice absolutely nailed.
I didn't particularly like Eve, didn't think she deserved sympathy, but now I feel sorry for her.
Excellent work!
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: February 13th, 2006 01:26 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. I was actually a little worried that I hadn't gotten Lorne's voice right, but the Casablanca quotes helped. Who'd have thought?
yourlibrarian From: yourlibrarian Date: February 28th, 2006 07:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Spotted this at the Awards site and popped over to read. What a great fic idea for these two. Gives me so much sympathy for Eve and wow is Lorne in a bad place. What's worse is that it doesn't look like things will be getting better for either in some time. Wonderfully done.
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: March 1st, 2006 01:10 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! It always seemed to me that Eve was more into Lindsey than he was into her, and his last words seemed so telling. It had to be done. :-)
helholden From: helholden Date: December 26th, 2006 01:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
I loved this. It was beautiful. <3
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: December 27th, 2006 05:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
Unexpected feedback! What a nice Christmas present. Thanks so much! And I'm glad you liked it. :-)
scratchingpost1 From: scratchingpost1 Date: August 17th, 2007 05:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
This is the most original and fascinating story I've read in a long time. It was wonderful.
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: August 17th, 2007 09:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you so much! I have to admit, this is my favourite of all my fics. I just thought Lindsey's last words were so telling. I was just going to make a post about it after watching NFA, but then the idea of the fic occurred to me.

It's very nice getting surprise feedback after so long. :-)
retsuko From: retsuko Date: April 20th, 2010 04:33 am (UTC) (Link)
(Here via crack_van)

Oh, this was so good. I love the Casablanca references, and Christian Kane's "L.A. Song" worming its way in there, too, but mostly I love how you write Lorne. You've totally captured his voice. *applauds*
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: November 20th, 2013 03:00 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you so much! I still like this fic best of the ones I've written. I wasn't really sure I'd gotten Lorne's voice right, so I'm glad to hear that it worked for you. :-)
63 comments or Leave a comment